To Understand Each Other

February 17, 2012 — 6 Comments


The day Don and I were married no one could have convinced us we could be any more in love than we were that day! However, after 41+ years of marriage we both know love can deepen or it can fade. We have experienced both, and we have chosen the path of deepening our love.

It didn’t happen overnight, and at times it took hard work!

One of those times, was six months into our marriage. It was a lonely and scary season, and it felt as if we were adrift at sea with no compass to guide us. Thankfully, at that time we were scheduled to take a group of college kids to a campus ministry retreat, where (unknown to us) the speaker’s topic for the weekend was “Relationships”. Not only did his presentation include humorous anecdotes regarding the difficulty of communication in marriage, but it also brought much-needed answers!

One resource mentioned by the speaker was a book titled “To Understand Each Other” by Paul Tournier. This concise book opened our eyes and our hearts to the amazing dynamics of communication. Tournier’s  challenge was to be courageous enough to share our true selves with one another, and as a result come to a deeper understanding of the person God brought to us in marriage.

As we worked to apply the concepts in the book we began to move past our fears and share our deepest thoughts. The author was right —it definitely took courage to remove our self-protective shields and care more about understanding each other than being understood. It was a process that took time and caring. But it also brought incredible transformation! Our communication deepened, our acceptance of one another flowed more easily and our enjoyment of each other became a delight! We fell more deeply in love!

Today, as I look back at that season, I clearly see God’s love and faithfulness in a myriad of ways:

His timing for us to attend the retreat at the height of our difficulty.

His words spoken through a gifted retreat speaker.

His concepts conveyed through Paul Tournier’s writings, and most of all

His amazing grace that empowered us to make a lasting commitment to live every day with the desire

“to understand each other!”





6 responses to To Understand Each Other

  1. Cheri, thanks for sharing this. Isn’t it funny when you look back on your marriage and realize some things God orchestrated exactly when you needed it? He is so faithful!

  2. I was thinking about you and Don today so I decided to come read your blog. 🙂
    Love you!

  3. Cheri,
    I really enjoyed this. Feb 17th was Joe and my 5th anniversary. I have been thinking about the seasons we have been through and ways we have gotten closer and I loved seeing this post today, it touched me. Thank you.

    • Chels, thanks for stopping by my blog! I’m glad you did and that what I shared touched your heart. It really is so wonderful the way God helps us in our marriages and causes us to grow closer to each other!

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