It’s been quite a while since I have written a post for my blog!
I have great excuses, but I’m not going to make them. Instead I’m going to tell you what I discovered.
I realized I missed the enjoyment and satisfaction I find in writing! Ever since I was a little girl I have found comfort through writing out my thoughts and feelings.
When I was in fifth grade my grandma died. She was my favorite! She had lived with us for several years and I was very close to her. My parents didn’t take me to her funeral because they didn’t think I would be able to emotionally handle it. And they were probably right.
After her death I remember feeling restless and empty until an idea came to mind! I sat down and wrote a long note to my grandma. I remember crying as I wrote what she meant to me, our special times together, how much I already missed her and how this note was the only way I knew to say goodbye. When I finished writing, I found a card in my mom’s desk, placed the note inside and wrapped it in plastic wrap.
Why plastic wrap?
Grandma died early on a snowy Christmas morning. A few days following her funeral I tucked the card into my coat, went outside as if I was going to go play in the snow, and walked three blocks away to Grandma’s grave. Knowing she was buried beside my Grandpa, I found it quite easily.
I took off my mittens, opened my plastic-covered card and through my tears, read her my note. Standing there reading my words brought immense comfort to my heart. Something deep inside was satisfied as I read aloud the thoughts and feelings I had been unable to express until that moment beside her grave. When I finished, I tucked the card back inside the plastic wrap and placed it in the snow atop her grave.
A few days later, my mom knocked on my bedroom door and asked if she could talk to me. I nodded and replied yes. She entered, sat on the side of my bed and sadly smiled at me. Then she pulled her hand from behind her back and in it she held the card still wrapped in plastic. Embarrassment struck me as I realized she had read it. In my childlike mind I didn’t think anyone would find it out there in the snow. I was wrong.
She held it out to me and tearfully said, “Cheri’, I thought you might want to keep this. Your words are beautiful and true and I’m sure Grandma loved your card to her. But, I also think she would want you to keep it so you can read it again and again and remember all the special things you wrote to her.” Then she hugged me a long time, walked out and closed the door behind her.
Staring down at the card I slowly unwrapped it from its plastic cocoon and softly read it aloud. Again a deep satisfaction filled my heart. As I finished the note, Mom’s words echoed in my mind, “your words are beautiful and true”. I did not know if they were beautiful and true, I only knew they had helped me feel better.
And today I realize this is why I still write.
It helps me feel better!